Dream Lessions

"It’s far past one, and I’m just waiting to hear you laughing through the wall with someone else. I’m just waiting for this to end the same way that everything ends. I should stop drinking so much tea before bed, I should stop sleeping with my window open, maybe I should just stop sleeping at all, because when I sleep I have all those dreams where he’s smiling in my bed, and then gone, and then I wake up and can’t look at you quite the same way anymore. I write letters that I don’t send, because I’m not sure about the price of post. I wander around with black rings under my eyes, I wander around with my umbrella when I don’t think it’s going to rain. There’s a song in my head that has nothing to do with anything but love. I just wonder why it always has to be this way. I wonder why the convenience store closes at eleven, and why moods like this make me want cigarettes and the cheapest whiskey I can find. I wonder why I can’t find a lighter anywhere, why my skin is getting dry as winter closes in, why the sun sets so early in this country and why I always lose the fucking words to say when I think of him."